


St. George and the Dragon

by j_crew_guy



Category: Queer Eye for the Straight Guy RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-10-13
Updated: 2003-10-13
Packaged: 2017-10-21 00:46:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/219066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/j_crew_guy/pseuds/j_crew_guy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Once upon a time, there lived five faaaaabulous fairies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	St. George and the Dragon

Once upon a time, there lived five faaaaabulous fairies. They were Carson, who specialized in fashion. Kyan who was skilled in skin care and healing. Ted, who knew the most about nutrition. Jai, who could school an uncouth knight in how to court a princess. And Thom, who was quite renowned for his decoration skills.

The five of them lived happily in a lovely and wonderfully appointed home.

In the same kingdom there lived a knight named George. He was known for fighting dragons. He wasn't very good at fighting dragons, for they usually ended up chasing him away.

Whenever he would come to a town, people would tend to point and laugh at him. "There goes George, who can't even beat a baby dragon!" they would say.

George was quite sad about this, and ready to give up his dream of defeating dragons. Until, one day, he found himself at the door of the fairies' home.

"Look what the cat dragged in," commented Carson as he opened the door. "What's your problem, sugar?"

George blushed and looked down at his feet. "I, uh…"

"You what? Hmmm?"

"I can't defeat dragons."

"Is that all?" Carson shook his head and smiled. "Come on in," he said as he ushered George inside.

"Boys, we've got another one!"

The other fairies swooped into the living room.

"So, what's his problem?" Thom asked as he studied George.

"Something about dragons," frowned Carson. "Why don't you tell us all what the problem is and then we'll see if we can't help."

George cleared his throat. "I can't defeat a dragon."

The five fairies looked at each other, and without saying a word, they went into action. Carson and Kyan stepped forward. The other three nodded.

"Where do you live?" asked Ted.

"I have a small cottage in town. It's-"

Jai put a finger to George's lips. "You don't need to tell us that. We'll find it. Now go off with those two. They'll treat you right."

Carson slung an arm over George's shoulders and directed him towards the door. "How do you feel about elves?"

Carson and Kyan took George to a secret Elvish enclave, where they found some supple yet chic armor that was guaranteed to be dragon flame resistant. "I don't know that it'll protect you from us," kidded Carson.

Next, they took George to a stream. "Let me see how you prepare to fight a dragon," Kyan ordered.

George demonstrated how he got ready.

"Hmm, okay," said Kyan. He pulled his wand out of the front of his robes. Kyan waved it in the air and summoned some jars. "I want you to try these *after* you bathe, but before you put the armor on. They should help protect you from the dragon's senses."

The three of them returned to George's home, where he was stunned to see what Thom had done with the place.

"It looks so much bigger! And the furniture!"

"I did do some enchanting to make your rooms bigger than they actually are. And the furniture is yours, just freshened up with some pixie dust. Just a sprinkle or two."

Ted summoned George to the kitchen. "Let's talk meals before a dragon fight. You don't want to load up on carbs and other foods that will make you sluggish. What you want to do is think *protein*." Ted leaned in closer to George. "And after you've killed the dragon, I can show you some amazing things to do with dragon meat. They say it tastes like swordfish."

Ted showed George some quick 'n' easy meals that he could bring with him to have before a battle.

Then it was Jai's turn. "You'll probably rescue a princess. Dragons seem to like taking them prisoner. There are certain things that you have to do once you rescue one. You have to get down on bended knee when you present yourself. And make sure that she's okay. Make sure you're polite with her. Take her back to her kingdom immediately. If her father offers you her hand in marriage, you should probably take it. And call me for some etiquette tips. Because courtly etiquette is always changing."

George nodded dazedly.

"You'll be fine," reassured Jai.

Carson stepped in. "I think it's time for a fashion show!"

He hooked an arm through George's and led him off. George proceeded to model his new armor for the five fairies, who clapped and whooped.

Carson stood up and nodded at the others, who also stood up. "We have something for you," Carson said.

The five fairies reached into the front of their robes simultaneously and a rainbow of colour jetted out.

"Hold out your hand," Thom said.

George did as instructed, and to his amazement, a sword began to form out of the rainbow. The sword gleamed in the light as he held it.

"At least it wasn't a golden shower," cracked Ted.

"You guys are the best," said George as he pulled the five fairies in for a group hug.

"Watch it with that sword, tiger," warned Kyan.

They all laughed at that.

"Okay, we've got the four-one-one on a dragon in some nearby mountains. After all the prep work we've done with you, we're pretty sure you can take it out."

George nodded solemnly. Carson pulled his wand from the front of his robes. "Just close your eyes and before you know it, you'll be there."

Carson waved his wand and George found himself standing about a mile from a cave where a dragon resided. George looked down and saw the products Kyan reccomended there, along with some of the protein-centric food Ted had made.

George prepared himself and had a snack. Then he picked up his sword and headed for the dragon's cave.

The fairies returned to their home and gathered with drinks around their scrying pool and settled in to watch George's performance.  
Kyan nodded, pleased that George had used the preparation products.

"Look at how nicely the armor shows off his ass," Carson pointed out.

"Oh, you guys, he's at the mouth of the cave," Thom commented.

The five fairies watched as George entered the cave. They cheered as George defeated the dragon with the help of their magic sword.

"And now, the princess," Jai said. Jai smiled approvingly as George got on bended knee and presented himself to the princess. The princess smiled and kissed George for rescuing her.

The fairies "Awww"d and clapped.

"I think we've helped another straight knight find a happy ending," said Ted. "Cheers!"

They clinked their glasses together.

The five fairies lived happily ever after, helping other poor souls who were in need of their special skills.

And George and the princess lived happily ever after as well. George was glad to retire from the dragon-hunting business, and the princess was glad to be free of the dragon.


End file.
